


begin again (but know when to let go)

by shaybourget



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 21:58:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14294346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaybourget/pseuds/shaybourget
Summary: "finding it though, that's not the hard part.it's letting go."in which we were only victims of our own selfishness





	begin again (but know when to let go)

**Author's Note:**

> english isn't my first language, so please excuse any and all mistakes. inspired by the dead money dlc in fallout new vegas - the prewar history of dean, sinclair and vera, although this is a take on a supposed history between Ryan and Brendon. have a good time ppl.
> 
> (does anyone even read ryden anymore????)

we met and it happened. something in my chest. it threaded into memory. it wasn’t much mind you, but it ment something. i think. you were strange, an interesting contrast to the way i acted; minor and just another brick at top of the wall. you were of some fiction. never been written, a mold to a different kind of art. vague and a refreshing piece of air from all the others who had written the same poems with another name slapped over it. it took some time to realize it, you left and fell under someone elses spell. i am however glad that she makes you happy.

i broke us and it was only fair that we left us unsaid. uncertain. it wasn’t the last that we saw of each other. you spoke morse in songs; in codes only we knew and it was justified. we were selfish with our love, we spoke in silence with tongues colliding under shallow roofs and homes without doors, as we thought. we didn’t let anyone in. i felt alive for the first time in that house and i understood the difference between living and just existing. you decorated chains that outlined my fragile hands with flowers, even though i thought they were ment for morning caskets. something changed and it finally felt right. life. 

i discovered mysteries lost and untouched, but we were swallowed in what the others thought. i couldn’t see past reputation and the underlying shame embedded in what it ment to love differently than the rest. the shame that fills hollow bones said by others. religion taught by clouded minds. survival. we told ourselves that it didn’t matter and ’fuck what the others think’, and then we laughed and we got high and we fucked and we fell asleep. but it never found a place in the back of my skull. it never replaced the ’i care about what the others think’ mentality burnt into my brain.

we thought we had set sail, dancing along to the motions of the boat. we thought we would live on even if the storm wouldn’t have come to settle. but it never happened. i never knew that such malignance made you feel whole. your apathy seemed so artificial yet it cut deep, how easy it was to forget me. maybe you just didn’t want to remember. announcing to hundreds that you didn’t know who i was. maybe it was just to piss off those left out of it all. but i knew of that look in your eyes. i understood what they ment. that look on your face i saw when you left. when i left. 

i’d like to meet again when we’re older, so that we can begin again. try to have a home under seperate roofs, where we are no longer at war. i don’t need love i just need peace. i think we both do so. i’ll be here waiting anyway. ready for you to let go of all your vices and regrets and crushed hopes because it’s been years. let go of it already.

 

i’d like to meet again. lets just hope we both figured out how to put the puzzle back together again.

xox


End file.
